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竞选州长Runningfovernor
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马克·吐温MarkT>
&hsagoIwasnominatedfreatstateofaiL.woodfordandJohn7.Hoffman，oiehowfeltthatIhadoageehatwas—goodcharacter.Itwaseasytoseebytheifevertheyhadknoastoodimehadgolainthatieryearstheyhadbeiliarwithallmannerofshamefulcrimes.ButattheverymomentthatIwasexaltingmyadvantageandjoyingiherewasamuddyuofdisfort&qu"thedeepsofmyhappihatwas—thehavingtohearmynamebainfamiliarwiththoseofsuchpeople.Igrewmoreaurbed.FinallyIwrotemygrait.Heranswercamequidsharp.Shesaid:Youhaveneverdohinginallyourlifetobeashamedof—theneers—lookatthemasortofcharactersMessrs.SmithandBlahenseeifytoloweryourselftotheirlevelaerapublivasswiththe
Itwasmyverythought!Ididnotsleepasinight.But，afterall，Iotrecede.
Iwasfullyitted，andmustgoo.
AsIwaslookinglistlesslyoverthepapersatbreakfastIcameacrossthisparagraph，andImaytrulysayIneverwassodedbefore.
PERJURY.—Perhaps，nowthatMr.MarkTwaihepeopleasadidatefovernor，hewilldtoexplaiobevictedofperjurybythirty-fourwitnessesinWakawak，1863，theiofwhichperjurybeingtorobapoornativewidowandherhelplessfamilyofameagerplantainpatch，theironlystayandsupportiaion.
Mr.Twaiohimself，aswellastothegreatpeoplewhesheasks，toclearthismatterup.Willhedoit?
IthoughtIshouldburstwithamazement!Suchacruel，heartlesscharge!IneverhadseeneverhadheardofWakawak!Ididn'tknoatakangaroo!Ididnotknowwhattodo.Iwasdhelpless.Iletthedayslipawaywithoutdoinganythingatall.Themthesamepaperhadhis—nothingmore:
SIGNIFIT.—Mr.Twain，itwillbeobserved，issuggestivelysilentabouttheaperjury.
[Me—Durihethispaperomeihanas"theiwain".]
&he"Gazette"，withthis:
&OKNOW—Willthenewdidatefoofhisfellow-swhoaresufferingtovoteforhim!thelittleceofhis-matesinMontanalosingsmallvaluablesfromtimetotime，untilatlast，thesethingshavingbeeninvariablyfoundonMr.Twain'spersonorinhis"trunk"（neerherolledhistrapsipelledtogivehimafriendlyadmonitionforhisowngood，andsotarredaheredhim，androdehimonarail;andtheoleaveapermavatheplaceheusuallyothecamp.Willhedothis?
ythingbemoredeliberatelymalithat?ForIneverwasinMontanainmylife.
&hisjournalarilyspokeofmeas，"Twaia;]
Igottopiguppapersapprehensively—muewouldliftadesiredblawhichhehadsomeideamighthavearattles.
&hismetmyeye:
THELIEheswornaffidavitsofMichaelO'FlaheFivePoints，andMr.KitBurnsandMr.JoherStreet，itisestablishedthatMr.MarkTwain'svilestatementthatthelamentedgrandfatherofoura.Hoffman，washangedfhwayrobbery，isabrutalandgratuitousLIE，withoutashadowoffoundationinfact.Itisdishearteningtovirtuousmentoseesuchshamefulmeaoachievepoliticalsuccessastheattagofthedeadintheirgraves，aheirhohslahinkoftheanguishthismiserablefalsehoodmustcausetheiivesahedeceased，wearealmostdriventoiragedandinsultedpubliaryandunlawfulvehetraduo!Letusleavehimtotheagonyofalaceratedce（thoughifpassionshouldgetthebetterofthepubliitsblindfurytheyshoulddothetraducerbodilyinjury，itisbuttooobviousthatnojuryvioishtheperpetratorsofthedeed）.
Theingeniousgseheeffeeoutofbedwithdespatight，andoutatthebackdooralso，whilethe&quedandinsultedpublic&quediway，breakingfurnitureandwindowsieousindignationastheydtakingoffsuchpropertyastheycouldtheyweIlaymyhandupontheBookandsaythatIneverslanderedan'sgrandfather.More-Ihadneverevenheardofhimormentionedhimuptothatdayanddate.
[Iassing，thatthejouredfromalwaysreferredtomeafterwardas"Twain，theBody-S;]
&iclethatattractedmyattentionwasthefollowing:
&DIDATE.—Mr.MarkTastomakesuchablightihemass-meetingoftheInight，didn'te!Atelegramfromhisphysistatedthathehadbeenknobyarunawayteam，andhislegbrokenintwoplaces—suffererlyiagony，andsoforth，andsoforth，andalotmoreboshofthesamesort.AndtheIriedhardtosretchedsubterfuge，aheydidnotknoastherealreasonoftheabseheabaurewhomtheydeandard-bearer.AmaoreelintoMr.Twain'shotellastnightilyintoxi.ItistheimperativedutyoftheIoprovethatthisbesottedbrutewasnotMarkTwainhimself.Wehavethematlast!Thisisacasethatadmits.Thevoiceofthepeopledemandsio;WHOWASTHATMAN?"
Itwasielyincredible，foramoment，thatitwasreallymyledwiththisdisgracefulsuspi.Threelongyearshadpassedovermyheadsiastedale，beer，wineorliquororanykind.
[ItshowswhateffectthetimeswerehavingohatIsawmyself，tlydubbed"Mr.DeliriumTremensTwain"iissueofthatjournalang—notwithstandiwithmonotohepaperwouldgoongmesototheveryend.]
Bythistimeanoersweregettingtobeanimportantpartofmymailmatter.Thisformwason:
Howaboutthatoldwomanyoukiiseswhichwasbeing?
POL.PRY.
Andthis:
&hingswhichyouhavedonewhibeknowntoanybodybutme.Youbettertrotoutafewdots，toyourstruly，oryou'llhearthroughthepapersfro
HANDYANDY.
Thisisabouttheidea.Itihereaderwassurfeited，ifdesirable.
ShortlytheprincipalRepublial"vieofwholesalebribery，andtheleadiicpaper";anaggravatedailingtome.
[InthiswayIacquiredtwoadditio;Twaihyist"and"TwaihsomeEmbracer".]
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