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在我生命的每一天,爸爸都是在用无言的行动对我说着他爱我。
“我知道,爸爸,”
我说,“我知道。”
最终我明白了,也理解了。
AfterMomdied,IbeganvisitingDadeverymbeforeIasfrailandmovedslowly,buthealwayshadaglassoffreshlysqueezedejuithekittablefwithaereading,“Drinkyourjuice.”
Suchagesture,Iknew,wasasfarasDadhadeverbeeoghislove.Infact,Iremember,asakidIhadquestionedMom“Whydoesn’tDadloveme?”
Momfrowned,“Whosaidhedoesn’tloveyou?”
“Well,heellsme,”
Iplaiellsmeeither,”
shesaid,smiling.“Butlookhowhardheworkstotakecareofus,tobuyusfoodaopayforthishouse.That’showyourfathertellsushelovesus.”
ThenMomheldmebytheshouldersandasked,“Doyouuand?”
Inoddedslowly.Iuoodinotiillwahertoputhisarmsarouellmehelovedme.Dadoeratedasmallscrapmetalbusiness,andafterschoolIoftenhungaroundwhileheedhe’daskmetohelpandthenpraisemeforwhatIdid.Heasksweretoodangerboytoattempt,andMomwasalreadywhthathe’dhurthimself.Dadhandfedscrapsteelichoppeditaslyasabutcherchopsarackofribs.Themaelookedlikeagiantpairofscissors,withbladesthimyfather’sbody.Ifhediderrifyiright,heriskedseriousinjury.
“Whydon’tyouhiresomeohatforyou?”
MomaskedDadoasshebentoverhimandrubbedhisagshoulderswithastrongsmelli.“Whydon’tyouhireacook?”
Dadasked,givingheroneofhisraresmiles.Mhteherhandsonherhips.“What’sthematter,Ike?Don’tyoulikemyg?”
“SureIlikey.ButifIcouldaffordahelper,thenyoucouldaffordacook!”
Dadlaughed,aimeIrealizedthatmyfatherhadasenseofhumor.Thea’ttheonlyhazardinhisbusiness.Hehadathicksteelplatesaomyearsthetorchhissedlouderthanasteamlootive,athsteel,itblewoffthousandsoftieswarmedaroundhimlikeangryfireflies.
Maer,duringmyfirstdailyvisit,afterdrinkingthejuicemyfatherhadsqueezedforme,Iwalkededhimandsaid,“Iloveyou,Dad.”
FromthenonIdidthiseveryMyfatheroldmehowhefeltaboutmyhugs,andtherewasneveranyexpressiononhisfaIgavetheThen,pressedfortime,Idrankmyjuidmadeforthedoor.
Dadsteppedinfrontofmeandasked,“hat?”
Iasked,klywhat.“Well!”
herepeated,ghisarmsandlookingeverywherebutatme.Ihuggedhimextrahard.NowitwastherighttimetosaywhatI’dalwayswao,“I’mfiftyyearsold,Dad,aoldmeyouloveme.”
Myfathersteppedawayfromme.Hepickeduptheemptyjuiceglass,washeditandputitaway.“You’vetoldotherpeopleyouloveme,”
Isaid,“butI’vefromyou.”
Dadlookedunfortable.Veryunfortable.Imoved.“Dad,Iwantyoutotellmeyouloveme.”
Dadtookastepback,hislipspressedtogether.Heseemedabouttospeak,thenshookhishead.“Tellme!”
Ishouted.“Allright,Iloveyou!”
Dadfinallyblurted,hishandsflutteringlikewoundedbirds.AndinthatinstahiIhadneverseenhappeninmylife.Hiseyesglistehenoverflowed.
Istoodbeforehim,stunneda.Fiheseyears,myheartjoinedmyheadianding.Myfatherlovedmesomuchthatjustsayingsomadehimassomethingheedtodo,leastofallinfrontoffamily.Momhadbeenright.EverydayofmylifeDadhadtoldmehowmuebywhathedidandwhathegave.“Iknow,Dad,”
Isaid,“Iknow.”
AndnowatlastIdid.
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