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第11章长大成人WheHome(2)
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&—afteralongperiodofsileweenus—IaskedwhatImighthavedoneorsaidtrywithme.Shesighedandsaid,“Mom,youhavehing.It’sfiisfidistant.
&hepastwehadalwaysfouoeAlliewasatoddler,Iwouldgototheday-terafterwork.I’dfiandshewouldnurse—oureyeslockedtogether,regwitheachother.
Inmiddlesothermotherswerealreadylameraheyfeltwiththeiradolestdaughters,Ihituponasolution:rescueraids.Iwouldshowupoallyatsheroutofdtakehersomewhere—outtolunovies,walkomaysoundirrespokeptusothermothersanddaughterswerefl.Wetalkedaboings—outifromfamilyandfriends.
&artedhighschool,I’dgetupwithherinthemtomakeherasandwidwe’dsilentlydrinkacupofteatogetherbeforethe6:40buscame.
Aesduringherseioff,butbeforesheweontheedgeofherbed,aellmeaboutproblems:ateacherwhradebecauseshewastooshytotalkinclass,aboywhoteasedher,afriendwhohadstartedsmoking.Hervoiingoutofthedarkness,wasyouioning.
AfewdayslaterI’dhearheronthephsomeofthethingsIhadsaid,thingsshehadadoptedforherown.
Butwokindss.Iwaicizedversiotolundleanacrossthetableandsayhoillmisseachother.Iwahroughtears,bittersweetmomentsofremiheelastbitsofwisdo
Butasshepreparestodepart,Allie’sfeelingshaveground.Wheouchherarm,shepullsaway.Sheturnsdowatioend.Sheliesonherbed,readingEmilyDitilIsaylhavealwayslovedEmilyDidthehebook.
&hetighteryourbondwithyourchild,thegreaterherobreakaway,toestablishherowyihemoreitwillhurt,theysay.Afriethroughadifficulttimewithherdaughterbutnowhasbeeclain,tellsme,“Yhterwillbebacktoyou,”
“Idon’tknow,”
Isay.IsometimesfeelsoangrythatIwanttogooverandshakeAllie.Iwanttosay,“Talktrounded!”
Ifeelmyselfwantingtosaythatmosthorribleofallmotherphrases:“ThihingI’vedoneforyou.”
Lateo,asI’mgettingreadyforbed,sheestothebathroomdoorandwatchesmebrushmyteeth.Foramoment,IthinkImustbebrushihinawayshedoesn’tapproveof.Butthenshesays,“Iwanttoreadyousomething.”
It’sapamphletfre.“Thesearetipsforparents.”
Iwatchherfaceasshereadstheadvicealoud:“‘Don’taskyourchildifsheishomesick,’itsays.‘Shemightfeelbadthefirstfewweeks,butdoworryyou.Thisisanaturaltimeoftransitioersa.Sendapackageofgoodies...’”
Hervoicebreaks,andsheeandburiesherheadinmyshoulder.Istrhtly,afraidshe’llboltifIsayaword.Westaherfmoments,swayiing.
Iknowitwillbehardagain.It’slikelytherewillbeafightaboutsomething.ButIamgratefultobestandimidnight,bothofustiredandsad,toothpastesmearedonmy,holdingtightto—whilealsolettinggoof—mydaughterwhtosaygood-bye.
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