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第19章Runningfovernor
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&hsagoIwasnominatedfreatstateofainstMr.JohnT.SmithandMr.BlankJ.BlankoiehowfeltthatIhadoageehatwas-goodcharacter.Itwaseasytoseebytheifevertheyhadknoastoodimehadgolainthatieryearstheyhadbeiliarwithallmannerofshamefulcrimes.ButattheverymomentthatIwasexaltingmyadvantageandjoyingiherewasamuddyuofdisfort&qu"thedeepsofmyhappihatwas-thehavingtohearmynamebainfamiliarwiththoseofsuchpeople.Igrewmoreaurbed.FinallyIwrotemygrait.Heranswercamequidsharp.Shesaid:Youhaveneverdohinginallyourlifetobeashamedof-theneers-lookatthemasortofcharactersMessrs.SmithandBlahenseeifytoloweryourselftotheirlevelaerapublivasswiththe
Itwasmyverythought!Ididnotsleepasinight.But，afterall，Iotrecede.
Iwasfullyitted，andmustgoo.
AsIwaslookinglistlesslyoverthepapersatbreakfastIcameacrossthisparagraph，andImaytrulysayIneverwassodedbefore.
PERJURY.-Perhaps，nowthatMr.MarkTwaihepeopleasadidatefovernor，hewilldtoexplaiobevictedofperjurybythirty-fourwitnessesinWakawak，1863，theiofwhichperjurybeingtorobapoornativewidowandherhelplessfamilyofameagerplantain-patch，theironlystayandsupportiaion.
Mr.Twaiohimself，aswellastothegreatpeoplewhesheasks，toclearthismatterup.Willhedoit?
IthoughtIshouldburstwithamazement!Suchacruel，heartlesseverhadseeneverhadheardofWakawak!Ididn'tknoatakangaroo!Ididnotknowwhattodo.Iwasdhelpless.Iletthedayslipawaywithoutdoinganythingatall.Themthesamepaperhadhis-nothingmore:
SIGNIFIT.-Mr.Twain，itwillbeobserved，issuggestivelysilentabouttheaperjury.
[Me-Durihethispaperomeihanas"theiwain".
&heGazette，withthis:
&OKNOW-Willthenewdidatefoofhisfellow-swhoaresufferingtovoteforhim!thelittleceofhis-matesinMontanalosingsmallvaluablesfromtimetotime，untilatlast，thesethingshavingbeeninvariablyfoundonMr.Tersonorinhis"trunk"（neerherolledhistrapsipelledtogivehimafriendlyadmonitionforhisowngood，andsotarredaheredhim，androdehimonarail;andtheoleaveapermavatheplaceheusuallyothecamp.Willhedothis?
ythingbemoredeliberatelymalithat?ForIneverwasinMontanaihis，thisjournalarilyspokeofmeas，"Twaia;]
Igottopiguppapersapprehensively-muewouldliftadesiredblawhichhehadsomeideamighthavearattles.
&hismetmyeye:
THELIEheswornaffidavitsofMip;apos;FlaheFivePoints，andMr.SyandMr.CattyMulliga，itisestablishedthatMr.MarkTos;svilestatementthatthelamentedgrandfatherofourandard-bearer，BlankJ.Blank，washangedfhwayrobbery，isabrutalandgratuitousLIE，withoutashadowoffoundationinfact.Itisdishearteningtovirtuousmentoseesuchshamefulmeaoachievepoliticalsuccessastheattagofthedeadintheirgraves，aheirhohslahinkoftheanguishthismiserablefalsehoodmustcausetheiivesahedeceased，wearealmostdriventoiragedandinsultedpubliaryandunlawfulvehetraduo!letusleavehimtotheagonyofalaceratedce（thoughifpassionshouldgetthebetterofthepubliitsblindfurytheyshoulddothetraducerbodilyinjury，itisbuttooobviousthatnojuryvioishtheperpetratorsofthedeed）.
Theingeniousgseheeffeeoutofbedwithdespatight，andoutatthebackdooralso，whilethe&quedandinsultedpublic&quediway，breakingfurnitureandwindowsieousindignationastheydtakingoffsuchpropertyastheycouldtheyweIlaymyhandupontheBookandsaythatIneverslanderedMr.Blank'sgrandfather.More:Ihadneverevenheardofhimormentionedhimuptothatdayanddate.
[Iassing，thatthejouredfromalwaysreferredtomeafterwardas"Twain，theBody-S;]
&iclethatattractedmyattentionwasthefollowing:
&DIDATE.-Mr.MarkTastomakesuchablightihemass-meetingoftheInight，didn'te!Atelegramfromhisphysistatedthathehadbeenknobyarunawayteam，andhislegbrokenintwoplaces-suffererlyiagony，andsoforth，andsoforth，andalotmoreboshofthesamesort.AndtheIriedhardtosretchedsubterfuge，aheydidnotknoastherealreasonoftheabseheabaurewhomtheydeandard-bearer.AmaoreelintoMr.Tos;shotellastnightilyintoxi.ItistheimperativedutyoftheIoprovethatthisbesottedbrutewasnotMarkTwainhimself.Wehavethematlast!Thisisacasethatadmits.Thevoiceofthepeopledemandsio;WHOWASTHATMAN?"
Itwasielyincredible，foramoment，thatitwasreallymyledwiththisdisgracefulsuspi.Threelongyearshadpassedovermyheadsiastedale，beer，wineorliquororanykind.
[ItshowswhateffectthetimeswerehavingohatIsawmyself，tlydubbed"Mr.DeliriumTremensTwain"iissueofthatjournalang-notwithstandiwithmonotohepaperwouldgoongmesototheveryend.]
Bythistimeanoersweregettingtobeanimportantpartofmymailmatter.Thisformwason:
Howaboutthatoldwomanyoukikedofyourpremiseswhichwasbeging?
POL.PRY.
Andthis:
&hingswhichyouHavedonewhibekoanybodybutme.Youbettertrotoutafewdots，toyourstruly，oryou&aphthepapersfromHANDYANDY.
Thisisabouttheidea.Itihereaderwassurfeited，ifdesirable.
ShortlytheprincipalRepublial"vieofwholesalebribery，andtheleadiicpaper";anaggravatedailingtome.
[InthiswayIacquiredtwoadditiowaihyist"and"TwaihsomeEmbracer".]
Bythistimetherehadgrowntobesuchaclamorforan"aoallthedreadfulchargesthatwerelaidtomethattheeditorsandleadersofmypartysaiditwouldbepolitiformetoremaiaomaketheirappealthemoreimperative，thefolloearedihepaperstheveryday:
&HEMAN!-Theididatestillmaintainssilence.Becausehedarenotspeak.Everyaagainsthimhasbeenamplyproved，andtheyhavebeenindorsedandreindorsedbyhisowsilethisdayhestaed.Lookuponyourdidate，Is!LookupontheIheMoheBody-SemplateyourinateDeliriumTremens!YourFilthyist!YourLoathsazeuponhim-ponderhimwell-andthensayifyougiveyourhooacreaturewhohasearhisdismalarrayoftitlesbyhishideousddaresnotopenhismouthindenialofahem!
Thereossiblewayofgettingoutofit，andso，indeephumiliatiopreparingto"a;amassofbaselessdmeanandwickedfalsehoods.ButIneverfiask，fortheverymapapercameoutwithanewhnity，andseriedmewithburningalunaticasylumwithallitsiobstructedtheviewfrommyhouse.Thisthrewmeintoasortofpahechargeofpoisoningmyuhisproperty，erativedemandthatthegraveshouldbeopehisdrovemeteofdistratopofthisIwasaployingtoothlessaoldrelativestopreparethefoodforthefoundling'shospitalaswavering-wavering.Andatlast，asadueandfittingelesspersethatpartyranflie，oddling，ofallshadesreesedorushoformatapublig，andclaspmearoundthelegsandcallmePA!
Igaveitup.Ihauleddownmydsurrendered.IwasherequirementsofaGubernatorialieofNewYork，ainmywithdrawalfromthedidabitterness:
"Trulyyours，oman，butno.，M.T.，B.S.，D.T.，F.dL.E."
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