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看到亲爱的妈妈如此无助地躺在那里，我的泪水在心里开了闸。
我的思绪很乱，直到脑子里闪出这样一个问题：“如果是我这样问，妈妈会如何回答？”
一时间我无言以对，这一刻似乎停滞了百万年。
“妈妈，我不知道您是否会死，但是如果您愿意，一切都会平安的。
我爱你。”
妈妈哭了，她说：“玛丽，我痛得很厉害。”
该说些什么呢？我又一次迟疑了。
坐在母亲床前，握住她的手，我听见了自己的声音：“妈妈，疼的话，就握紧我的手，我爱你，妈妈。”
她紧紧抓住了我的手。
“妈妈，我爱你。”
在接下来的两年里，直到她因卵巢癌去世，我和妈妈有过无数次握手，传递过无数声“我爱你”
。
我们无法知道我们的关键时刻何时会出现，但此刻我知道，当它真正到来时，无论我是和谁在一起，我都会时刻传递妈妈的甜蜜抚慰：“痛的时候，握紧我的手，我会告诉你我爱你。”
Rememberwhenyouwereadyoufellandhurtyourself？Doyourememberwhatyourmotherdidtoeasethepain？MymraceRose，wouldpickmeup，carrymetoherbed，sitmedownandkissmy
“owwie”
.Theonthebedbesideme，takemyhandinhersandsay，“Whenithurts，squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”
OverandoverI’dsqueezeherhaime，withoutfail，Iheardthewords，“Mary，Iloveyou.”
Sometimes，I’dfiendijusttohavethatritualwithher.AsIgrewup，theritualged，butshealwaysfoundaainahejoyIfeltinanyareaofmylife.Ondifficultdaysduringhighschool，she’dofferherfavoriteHersheyournedhmy20s，MomofteosuggestaspontaneouspichatEstabrookParkjusttocelebrateawarm，sunnydayinWis.
Ahahank-younotearrivediereverysisheandmyfathermadetomyhmeofhowspecialIwastoher.ButthemostmemorableritualremainedherholdingmyhandwhenIwasadsayis，squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”
，whenIwasinmylate30s，followingavisitbymyparebefore，myfatherphoaysandingandhisdires，butIheardandpanihisvoice.“Mary，something’swrongwithyourmotherandIdon’tknoleaseeoverasquicklyasyou.”
The10-miomyparents’homefilledmewithdread，weningtomymother.WhenIarrived，IfoundDadpathekitdMomlyingontheirbed.Hereyesweredherhaedoomach.Icalledttokeepmyvoiceascalmaspossible.“
Mom，I’mhere.”
“Mary？”
“Yes，Mo”
“Mary，isthatyou？”
“Yes，Mom，it’sme.”
Iaredfortheion，andwhe，Ifroze，notknowingwhattoiearswelledupinsidemeasIlookedatmyloviheresohelpless.Mythoughtsratilthisquestionind：WhatwouldMomsay？Ipausedforamomentthatseemedlikeamilliforthewordsto，Idon’tknowifytodie，butifyou’sokay.Iloveyou.”
Sheary，Ihurtsomu，Iwoosay.Isatdowhebed，pickedupherhandandheardmyselfsay，“Mom，whenithurts，squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”
Shesqueezedmyhand.
“Mom，Iloveyou.”
Manyhandsqueezesand“Iloveyou’s”
passedbetweenmymotherahewoyears，untilshepassedawayfromovarianeverknowwheruthwille，butIdoknohentheydo，whomeverI’mwith，Iwilloffermymother’ssweetritualofloveeverytime.“Whenithurts，squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”
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